01 Nov Seeing Yourself Through a Kind Mirror
Becky* came over the other day and as she walked through the door she was gorgeous.
“Wow, you look great!” I said. “Very svelte.”
Her face crumpled as she said, “Really?”
Shya came out of the kitchen and took a look.
“Really,” he said.
“But I’ve gained 20 pounds.”
“So what. You still look great,” I said.
Becky had forgotten to look in a kind (and accurate) mirror – to see herself through our eyes. She was looking at the reflection of her judgmental mind.
I have several kind mirrors in my home. First, I have Shya. He tells me I’m beautiful (sexy, kind, gorgeous) every day. It’s important that I listen. For if I don’t, I disregard his reality, whittling it away in favor of an unkind opinion.
As I was writing this, Shya came over and kissed me on the head and gently ruffled my hair. I could either disregard his spontaneous expression in order to keep focused on my task and or pause a moment and register his love.
I also have a mirror where I put on my makeup. It’s kind to me even when I look tired. I have another in my closet. When I stand in front of it, I usually feel pretty darn good. This comes from years of infusing that glass with my reality which, in general, is pretty darn kind. We have lived in our home since 1995 and during that time I have aged and my weight has fluctuated up and down. Yet somehow, while looking in that mirror I retain my beauty.
Years ago, when we led seminars in Hawaii, we had a large mirrored course room on a remote piece of property on Maui. Even while scantily dressed, we all began to see ourselves as beautiful. Big body types, small body types, young people, older people, we were all gorgeous. People forgot to be self-conscious and self-critical, even at the beach.
After the course was over, Shya and I decided to treat ourselves to a holiday weekend on the other side of the island in one of the luxury hotels. To my surprise, the moment I looked in the mirror in our hotel room, my body image changed and I found plenty to pick on, piece-by-piece. It’s as if ghostly images impressed themselves upon the glass until it was hard to see myself without being judgmental. It’s akin to walking into a room where guests have been smoking year after year until the telltale smell permeates everything. I’m still aware of this phenomenon today. Whenever I go clothing shopping, I wear an outfit I feel good in so that when I look in a mirror where thousands have seen their reflections through critical eyes, I can still see me in a kind light, whether or not the item I am trying on fits.
It’s okay if your actual mirror at home isn’t kind yet. Simply get out your virtual glass cleaner and start anew. And if you wish, you can have multiple mirrors at any Living Made Easy seminar. If you listen to those who are looking back at you, you are likely to see how beautiful you really are, both inside and out.
*Name has been changed to preserve anonymity.