Heartbeat

Back in 2001 when I was working on our second book, How to Create a Magical Relationship, I found it a very exciting process. Sometimes I would have an inspiration in the middle of the night and get up and write in the early morning hours. I was happy, productive and surprised at my creativity. Then one day, my heart started beating erratically. When I put my hand over my heart, I could feel it speed up in a rush then stop altogether as it skipped beats. It was pretty scary. So, I went to a heart specialist and he told me I was stressed. I said, “No, you don’t understand, I’m great.” Without missing a beat (pun intended) he said, “You may be great, but your body is stressed.” It opened up a whole new way of looking at myself. It never occurred to me before that my mental outlook may be really up and alive, but I could be stressing my body at the same time. When the doctor prescribed a heart medicine to regulate my heartbeat that had sexual side effects (less libido) I fought that, too. My whole identity was wrapped around what I did and produced as well as being a partner sexually and enjoying intimacy. It was a challenge to let go of the forward momentum of my life and let go of how I thought I should be and listen to my body and allow it to be more, for lack of a better word, fragile than I thought it should be. Fighting the medicine and fighting with myself over the situation didn’t make it get any better. But embracing myself just as I was each day, each moment (when I was able to do that) was a gift.

I am reminded of the Billy Joel song, “Don’t go changing, to try and please me…I love you just the way you are.” This was a time when I was challenged and ultimately discovered loving myself, just the way I was.

Over the recent past, many in our community have been faced with health and other challenges such as recovering from surgery, shingles, Coronavirus, or long-Covid. Others have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease or cancer. Still others have been dealing with aging parents or the loss of a loved one. When you are ill or laid low by life’s circumstances, you can embrace your life or fight it – and it isn’t a one-time choice. These times, while challenging, are also rich with love and special moments. They are an opportunity to meet yourself and discover that producing is not more important than being.

Even if you are not currently facing any hardship, if you relax just a little and take a breath, you may discover between one heartbeat and the next that being here is enough.