See Zoe Date

By Zoe Rosenberg

See Zoe Date

For years I have heard Ariel and Shya make the following suggestion to folks who are dating: go out with a variety of guys or gals – not just ones they think might be “The One.” To the best of my ability I listened to this idea, but it never clicked for me until recently. Spontaneously during a week-long holiday break from my job as a teacher, I had a direct experience of truly dating.

While browsing on a dating app, I started noticing all of the attractive and interesting men that I was disregarding for one reason or another: “This one is too old, this one is too young, this one is a chef/bartender/pilot, and you know how they are.” Once I saw that I was automatically “X”ing out virtually everyone, I realized I now had a choice. Instead of reflexively “swiping left” to reject the match, I really looked at each profile and followed my intuition.

“This guy lives kind of far from me but he looks really sweet!” I thought – and I swiped right to discover it was a match!

“This guy is 5 years younger than me but wow do we have a lot of shared interests… I think he’d be fun to have coffee with.” Swipe right – another match!

Before long I had lined up dates for every day of the week – Monday through Friday.

On Monday I met Yuji* a rather shy Archeologist with a passion for travel. We had an early coffee date and walked in the Park admiring the newly budding cherry blossoms. I noticed that he was fun for one coffee, but I felt less than attractive around him – experiencing my body as wide and clumsy. After we parted ways, I once again felt graceful in my curvy yet toned body. Hmm – that’s interesting. Next!

Dan was 15 minutes late for our date on Tuesday. In the past if this happened I would start stewing and build a case against the late party before he even arrived. This time I kept an open mind and had fun chatting with a friend while I waited, curious to see who showed up.

Dan was HOT! Broad shouldered with a deep resonant voice. We chatted easily about a wide range of topics. Before I knew it, almost 3 hours had passed even though we only planned for a quick one hour meeting over coffee. As we stepped back out into the sunny New York City afternoon, we shared a passionate, steamy kiss on the sidewalk… that kind of PDA (public display of affection) is not my usual style! He left me weak in the knees – quite literally. In fact I felt a little off-balance after our date. I just noticed all of these interesting details and didn’t make a decision about what to do next or what it all meant.

Each date was a unique and expansive experience for me, especially since I had stopped putting pressure on myself to audition each guy for the role of future husband and was instead truly just dating and having fun.

I even had a good time with John, who had a snarky remark or little eye roll for nearly everything I said on my Wednesday night date. Although he didn’t seem particularly interested in me, I still found myself enjoying the tasty Mexican food we ordered, and getting curious about what he had to say. I felt some compassion for his behavior. As uncomfortable as it was to be around, I sensed it was his way of dealing with his insecurities around getting to know someone. To my surprise, he texted me later asking for a second date, which I gently declined.

I imagine I may have a second date with some of the gentlemen I met during this expansive week of dating, but I find it equally exciting to just keep playing, and noticing the nuances of how I feel about myself with each unique individual I meet and date.

*Not real names – they have been changed.

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Fun to read about your dating experiences, Zoe! ????
So that, in addition to new experiences, sooner or later the “right one” will show up! Much love, Elke

Moin Zoe,
Thanks so much for your openness! Noticing the nuances of how you feel about yourself with each date, wow, I love it. Wishing you lots more fun with second or third dates or new dates! They’re sooo lucky to get to meet you!
Big hugs,
Maren