Saying “Yes” to the Dress . . . and to Transformation

14 Feb Saying “Yes” to the Dress . . . and to Transformation

I am a newlywed, to a man I have known for three decades. 

Let me explain: I met Christopher 33 years ago, and since then, we have cared deeply for each other. We became a couple 16 years ago, and had a wonderful son who is now 14. I always felt building our life together was enough, and there was no need to make anything “official.” I didn’t think marriage meant much and assumed, “It’s just a piece of paper.” 

Time went on and a couple of years ago, I discovered Transformation. I started attending seminars, and life started to seem easier. Lighter. My relationships improved, along with all aspects of my life, but I couldn’t have predicted what would happen next. 

One day, Christopher asked me to marry him. I was completely surprised. He expressed how much it would mean to him, and I saw that he had probably wanted this for a while. It’s possible that in the past, pre-Transformation, I might have said, “That’s nice but is it really necessary?” However, I had shifted too, I saw this was important to him, and I said yes, happily. 

I was truly touched by Christopher’s desire to marry, yet I secretly thought, “It’s a nice idea, but it’s still just a piece of paper.” I didn’t think I would feel any differently after getting married. 

In fact, I was so offhand, I didn’t even notice when some of our marriage paperwork fell on the floor! Christopher was the first to notice it. He picked it up and said, “This is important to me, could you be more careful about making sure the license and forms don’t end up on the floor?” I responded, “Sure, of course! I’m sorry about that.” 

And yet, I still continued to have a casual, even dismissive, attitude. I thought, “For the ceremony, I’ll just wear jeans and a nice sweater. We’ll go to the ceremony, then I’ll do whatever was next on my to-do list for the day.” 

Or, that was what I thought I’d do. Then I experienced Transformation. 

In a Monday Night Living Made Easy Zoom seminar, I mentioned the wedding– which was happening the next day. I figured I’d just make a short announcement about it, people would say, “That’s nice!” I’d thank them, and then a different person would speak up about something more important in their lives.  

But that’s not what happened. My cavalier attitude about the wedding had come across loud and clear and it wasn’t going to be ignored. After I shared, Shya looked at me and said, “Reneé, you’re saying to Christopher, ‘I choose you, to be my husband, to be with for the rest of our life.’ That means something.” Oh, I thought– I hadn’t really thought of it that way. 

Other folks piped up and spoke about how this event was special, an opportunity for Christopher and I to express our commitment. I started to listen, and felt myself soften. As they spoke, I started to feel the richness of being able to marry the man I had loved so deeply for so many years. 

I thanked everyone for their insights, and expressed how much I was looking forward to the wedding tomorrow. Again, I waited for another seminar participant to speak up and share about something else going on in their lives. 

But, we weren’t quite done. 

Ariel said, “You know, Reneé . . . it’s not too late to get a dress.” 

Automatically, I responded, “I think it is too late, actually.” After all, we were getting married at 2:30pm the next day. The other truth was, I felt unattractive. Over the past few years, I had gained weight, and wasn’t excited about the prospect of finding something that would look good on me. 

“You can Facetime with me in the store!” Ariel said. “I’d be thrilled to help you choose what to wear!” someone else added. “You can definitely find something as beautiful as you are!” a third person encouraged me. Their words began to sink in and I  couldn’t ignore their loving support. My initial dread of shopping shifted into a feeling of  joy and excitement. In fact, that very night, I began shopping online. The next morning when department stores opened their doors, I was ready to find something pretty to wear at our wedding ceremony with the help of my friends on Facetime. 

On October 18th, 2022, Christopher and I got married. Looking into his eyes as we became husband and wife, I felt immersed in our love. When the judge asked us to repeat our vows, they sounded true, and new: as Christopher spoke, it was as though he were saying the words to me for the first time, as if he had just thought of them. When I spoke my vows, I felt as if they were shaped by my own heart. It was magical. Now, 33 years after we first met, we have truly entered our life together anew.