Magical Relationships are Possible

From Yolanda in Spain

Magical Relationships are Possible

htcmr.jpgI came across the Kanes transformational approach about three of four months ago. I’ve never had the chance to attend any of their seminars or events, but I have read their book How to Create A Magical Relationship and listened to most of their radio shows. And I have to admit that they have helped me so much to engage into my own life, without them even knowing. So I’d like to thank the Kanes and all the community for BEING HERE !!

Now I’d like to share something with you regarding how my love life has transformed.

I met a wonderful guy last summer and the connection between us felt so obvious that we began a relationship right away. We had many things in common, but at the same time we kind of complemented each other. He’s a person who’s gone through some tough times in his recent past, but instead of mourning decided to be in the moment and enjoy life as it comes, and thus he doesn’t get too attached to things or preoccupied about what will come next.

On the opposite side, I’ve always been very thoughtful, needing to know what to expect in each moment and have a clear plan to reach what I think is my perfect future to feel reassured. We were having a great time together and the relationship seemed perfect at the beginning, but as the weeks went by and we got closer, a sense of uncertainty took over me. Although he always tried to engage me into the moment and just live and enjoy it, my mind was always racing forward or backward in time and wondering “…this is so good, but will it last? when will I see him again? Does he enjoy being with me as much as I enjoy being with him? Will he miss me tomorrow?”I started to think that he was very insensitive for not wanting to be with me all the time, and the moments together didn’t feel as great as they used to any more.
It was like a downward spiral, and the relationship only lasted for three months. He broke it off.
Although I knew it was not really working, I felt devastated and like a failure for months afterwards. I just couldn’t believe it was over, and that I had lost that wonderful man and wasn’t even aware of how it had happened.

After a few months, as I began to get over the situation, re-connecting with my friends and making new ones, and engaging in my life again, he suddenly reappeared, right when I had accepted that I would most likely never see him again.

We started seeing each other from time to time, until we eventually started dating again. In fact, now we’re dating more casually and don’t see each other that often, but in the last three months we’ve done much more interesting and fun things than when we first got together: we’ve been on a trip together, gone trekking, been to the theater, met some of his friends, and had quite deep conversations about love and life and ourselves.

I know I’m just starting this transformational journey, and I still disengage and worry sometimes, but what I’ve learned from the Kanes is helping me so much in all aspects of my life, and especially in my relationship with this man. I don’t worry so much about the future outcome, I fully engage with him and enjoy every second we are together to the fullest.

He told me the other night that I had changed so much since last year when we first met, that he had noticed how I had replaced my old automatic “no” by a new “why not?”  I said that I was trying to say “yes” to my life and live in the moment, and that it was making me feel really good. And he said that it really showed.

And just as a side note, that night we had the most beautiful date since we met. If someone had asked me to pick and gather all my favourite details of each particular date we’ve had, and write them down to replay them again for me, all of them where met that night. Everything played out in each moment just as I secretly wished, even the things that were out of my control and completely in his hands. I’d like to believe that engaging in the moment and being my true self had a lot to do with it.

Do you agree?

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Thank for sharing your story, Yolanda! It is great to “meet” you through this post. I can relate to many of your experiences around relationship, too. As I read what you wrote, it feels like you are holding how you were when you first met this man – before you discovered the Kanes’ book and radio show – as less in some way. One of the things I’ve discovered is that who I was before and how I lived my life was not bad or wrong and it actually brought me to where I am and who I am today. So I offer that you weren’t bad or less before and that now, you are discovering many new possibilities.

Hi Yolanda, Thank you for sharing your experience! I agree with what Valerie wrote to you. I also wanted to mention a behavior that Ariel & Shya Kane speak about called “shrinking to fit” in a relationship. In past relationships I had found myself “shrinking to fit” (Not speaking my truth in a relationship or acting a certain way because I thought that was how the other person wanted me to act even though it wasn’t what I truly wanted). I’m not saying that you are doing this. I just wanted to make sure that you are being true to yourself in the relationship and not doing things because you are worried about losing him again. If you are meant to be together you should be able to be yourself.

I know you have listened to Ariel & Shya Kane’s “Being Here” – I highly recommend it and also recommend calling into the radio show when it is live and asking them questions. Here is a show they did on Shrinking to fit. Thought you would be interested:
“Shrink to Fit” on 8/29/12
“If you cannot be yourself in a relationship, then you no longer have one.” Ariel and Shya Kane
Ever suppress yourself for fear of being rejected or losing your significant other? Being less than yourself dooms any relationship to mediocrity. Join Ariel and Shya and discover how to have all of your relationships be expansive and fulfilling.
http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/63322/shrink-to-fit

Thansk Valerie and Christina for your comments!

I met this guy by pure chance. As far as I can tell, there was only a small window in time of about three weeks when our lives could have possibly crossed… and they did. Before and after that timeframe, he was living and working somewhere else and none of us had much contact with the common acquaintance who introduced us.

In the past, I had never thought about it this way, but I recently started to believe that things happen for a reason, and that whatever happens is always perfect, even if it doesn’t seem at the moment.

So I believe we met when we had to, and things happened the way they had to happen, including the breakup. From my post, I didn’t want to mean that I was somehow “wrong” at that time, I was just how I was… but I certainly wasn’t very happy, that much I can remember quite clearly.

The breakup was painful, and I would have preferred things to be different, but those circumstances lead me to where I am now. It triggered something in me that lead me to re-connect with my friends, get out of my shell and into the world, and start reading about relationships and other self-help books that eventually brought me to the Kanes’ wisdom.

And then life put this man again in my path, and maybe the reason is so he can teach me how to be in the moment.. They say the teacher appears when the student is ready.
And I am enjoying the lesson, and it’s helping me grow further and discover new ways of relating and living life. Will this be my truth? Is this new “me” my true self? I’m not sure, I just know that I feel much better in my shoes now.

When the time comes — if it does— and we have to say goodbye, I will have many things to be grateful to this man. And whatever happens, painful or not, will be just as it was meant to be. I don’t know if he is the one or only a teacher and companion in my journey for a limited time. Who can tell? Not me!

PS: Christina, I will listen to that episode. Thanks for sharing!!

Yolanda, that is wonderful that you feel better “in your shoes now,” very sweet. Thank you again for sharing. And I invite you to join the Kanes either in Cambridge, Hamburg, New York or Costa Rica for a seminar, they are magic 🙂

Hi Yolanda
thank you so much for sharing your experience with transformation and your relationship.
I know, it is very short notice… but…… Ariel and Shya Kane are currently in Europe, in Cambridge, UK. Over this coming weekend, July 3rd to July 5th, they will be leading a seminar titled “The Art of Relating”, where transformational ways of relating – with partners, friends, colleagues – and before all, yourself – will be explored. It’s not to late to register, and I would love to meet you in Cambridge, You can find all the information here on the website under seminars.

Thanks for the info Annina!
Too late to make any arrangements though, maybe next time.
Although I would have loved to visit Cambridge! 🙂

Hi Yolanda!
Thanks for introducing yourself and sharing your story. It is so great to hear that listening to the Radio shows, in Spain, has had such an impact on your life and that you can experience the “magic” of the Kanes without having ever met them. That is very cool. If you can follow Annina’s invitation and join them in Cambridge though, that would be ideal. I promise you, your life will never be the same!

Thanks for your post Yolanda! Pretty awesome you discovered new possibilities to relate with others n yourself through. The Kanes! And sounds like you are enjoying walking in your “new” shoes. Kind regards, Susan PS yes! call into being here when you can too! Next live show is scheduled for wed jul 15th. All live shows include “Callers welcome” in show descriptions.

This is so inspiring! Thank you for sharing Yolanda. Reading what you write, I feel I have met you, which is very lovely. Right now I’m in Cambridge, very excited to be attending The Art of Relating tomorrow 🙂 It would be VERY exciting to have you here – or in October in Hamburg or one month in New York – any which way, I do hope I will meet you in person soon 🙂

Dear Yolanda – thanks for your lovely blog post – it is so great to “meet” you and so inspiring reading it and everyone’s comments! Although I live in NY I am now here in Cambridge, UK for The Art of Relating (tonight!) and I have to tell you, The last 5 days here with my husband have been the sweetest ever. I am just blown away how with the Kanes’ transformational approach our relationship just keeps getting more loving and fun. In the early days we fought a lot and I often felt the insecurity and uncertainty you mentioned in your post – as I have discovered how to be kind to myself how to access the moment (rather than my thoughts) our marriage (and all my relationships) have become more wonderful than I ever thought possible! Transformation is truly magical and I highly recommend coming to the next workshop you can make it to in Europe or NYC. Cheers!

Hi Yolanda, I feel so inspired by your blog post! I love the Kanes’ seminars, books, and their radio show “Being Here”. I call into the radio show sometimes and it’s such a gift! It is so nice to “meet” you via your blog post. I look forward to the possibility of meeting you in person at one of the Kanes’ seminars. 🙂 Colleen

Again, thanks everybody for your comments!

I really appreciate your words and support… especially after this last weekend when I’ve been paying too much attention to my thoughts — not very bright ones, of course — instead of fully engaging in all the great situations and activities I’ve been involved in.

All of you who went to the Cambridge workshop, I hope you enjoyed it !

Cheers!