Article of the Month

Surrender vs. Succumb

An excerpt from How to Create a Magical Relationship:
The Three Simple Ideas That Will
Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life

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May 2012

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It is important to establish what is meant when we use the terms 'surrender' and 'succumb' and to distinguish between the two. There is a vast difference between surrendering and succumbing to the requests made upon you by your life and your partner. Surrender is when you take on another's request of you as though it were your own. Succumb is when you do what is requested of you and victimize yourself for having to do it.

How many times have you said, "Yes, I will," and then resented that you had to? This is succumbing. Succumb is when you complain in your thoughts about the injustice of the request and how you are only doing it because they asked it of you, but not because you want to.

We define surrender as allowing yourself to do what your life requests of you and sometimes, your life shows up as requests made by your partner. Surrender is when you fulfill a request as if it were your own idea in the first place, with the intention of having it be a really great idea. This is distinctly different from fulfilling the request with the intention to prove to your partner that he or she was mistaken or misguided to have asked in the first place. In other words, if you succumb to a request, you will not have fun and you will be proving him or her wrong. When you succumb, frequently you will hurt yourself somehow to show your partner just how wrong he or she is.

Many people find surrendering very challenging because once they are in a relationship, they start competing with their partners. This dynamic can be especially strong for women who compare themselves and their achievements and want to prove that they are equal to or as good as a man. It is also strong for men who have been programmed not to let 'girls' get ahead of them.

Many women have not discovered that they can just be themselves and still include their femininity. They haven't seen that they don't have to be manly in a man's world. They haven't recognized that they can be very potent and powerful as a human being, without force, because force looks really bad on a woman. Of course, it doesn't work so well for men either.


If you have the choice, the ability, the willingness, to surrender, then you are truly independent. It takes a very strong person to say, "Yes. . . yes. . .okay, yes. . .yes. . .sure. . .all right. . .yes."

If you have the ability to sidestep the early programming of not wanting to be told what to do by another, then you actually have the ability to honestly step forward and say, "No, I don't want to do that," when "No" is your truth. When you have the ability to surrender, you become powerful in yourself and your union with a partner becomes a powerful one. Whether your relationship is new or well seasoned, there is the possibility of surrendering to your life and your partner and having your relationships enter the realm of the miraculous.

Since 1987, internationally acclaimed authors, seminar leaders, and business consultants Ariel and Shya Kane have acted as guides, leading people through the swamp of the mind into the clarity and brilliance of the moment. To find out more about the Kanes and their Transformational Community or to sign up to join their email newsletter, The Excellence Club: Having It All, visit their website at: www.TransformationMadeEasy.com. Information about their three award-winning books – Working On Yourself Doesn't Work: The 3 Simple Ideas that will Instantaneously Transform Your Life, How to Create A Magical Relationship: The 3 Simple Ideas that will Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life and Being Here, Modern Day Tales of Enlightenment – is also available on their website.